You have got to be fucking kidding me.
I sit here, listening to “Judas,” the forth song on Lady Gaga’s new record, Born This Way, which sounds nothing like what could have happened if she hadn’t gotten so far up her own ass from the fame gained by songs like “Paparazzi,” and “Monster,” and “Pokerface.” Those songs were modern classics, and The Fame and its sister album The Fame Monster were poised to usher in a brand new age of pop music, in which propulsive beats bolstered lyrics that were both posh and gritty at the same time. Lady Gaga gained a lot of good will from all of those fantastic singles, and from show-stopping videos, like the short film that accompanied “Telephone,” which jocked Tarantino in all the best possible ways, and had Beyonce kicking more ass than usual, which is definitely saying something.
Then, she dressed up as a slaughterhouse, and an egg, and whatever. Who cares, though, right? Madonna did a lot of crazy shit, too, and she did “Ray Of Light.” An artist can be forgiven for their insanity in the face of classic music, like how Damon Che is a classic asshole, and is the biggest asshole I’ve ever met, and proof that you should never meet your heroes (especially the childhood ones). The problem with Born This Way is that all of the songs feel like they were built, rather than grown, and they were all built in the likeness of the former highs of The Fame/Monster: “Americano” feels like “Alejandro” without the sexy pazazz, and Born Like This feels like it wants to be the “be all you can be” showstopper that “Dance In The Dark” was before it. What the album feels like is a pop station’s idea of what Lady Gaga might sound like, if the programming producer had no idea what Lady Gaga actually sounded like. The worst example here is “Scheibe,” which includes Gaga singing in German… in a French accent. Yes, you read that right. I give up. Then there’s that album cover:
Yes, that is a motorcycle with Lady Gaga’s face on it.
I don’t like to write about music I don’t like. I’m not being paid to talk about these things, so I choose to spend my spare time telling you, dear reader, about what I think you should be listening to, rather than blithering about what I don’t. But I am a fan of Lady Gaga, so I felt that her art deserved a fair cop. I don’t think this is what should have happened with her work, however, and it’s disappointing that such a talented musician could have gone down such a mediocre path. Fuck this shit. Until I see some improvement, I’m not going to support such sloppy, half-assed, worthless, shock-value trash. I’m done here.